The worst would be when I had to visit a salon I hadn’t been to before. First would come the dread (I would secretly pray “please don’t ask me what happened here”) shortly followed by the immense shame and embarrassment and then would come the lies; “Oh, it is from a bad colour that killed all of my hair” I would often lie. Or “It was damaged so I cut that chunk out myself”. Their reactions would kill me – whether they said anything (like the hairdresser who said “That is disgusting!!”) or even if they didn’t say anything at all, I would always leave feeling the same – humiliated and disgusted in myself, desperate to stop but still too weak and powerless to know how.
Finally one day I decided to do something about it. I went online and found Abby Rohrer’s website. I couldn’t believe I had found someone who had the same condition as me and had healed. It was a dream come true and so I ordered the “What’s Wrong with Pulling My Hair Out” book and devoured it as soon as it arrived. Everything was so interesting and I was so excited by what I was learning. I even got up the courage to confide in my husband what it was that I was doing as I had found someone else who seemed “just like me”. For the first time ever I thought I was going to be okay. But, unfortunately, although I loved reading Abby’s story, I gave up on doing the “work” and as a result, didn’t stop pulling my hair.
Eighteen months went by, I had long since finished Abby’s book and although I had learnt so much about hair-pulling, I was depressed that I had obviously ‘failed’ again when I became compelled to look at Abby’s website one last time.
My husband and I had spoken about having children and I knew the time was coming nearer and nearer which excited me more than anything in the world but also deep down completely terrified me as I always wondered “How on earth can I stay at home all day with a baby with no one there to watch what I am doing?” At least at work I could keep myself busy or if I found myself pulling my hair I would eventually have to stop as someone would always come in or see.
I think that was part of the reason I made sure my life was always so busy and exciting because I was always petrified of slowing down or having ‘nothing to do’ which would leave more time free for me to indulge in pulling my hair. I also knew that it was not something I wanted my children to see their mother doing and so with all the resolve and determination I could muster, I contacted Abby and made the commitment to do whatever it took to heal.
This time, I was ecstatic to find Abby was offering private mentoring sessions. Abby and I began our weekly telephone sessions and I was excited and amazed at how quickly we began to get to the ‘core’ of each lesson. Week after week we uncovered hurt after hurt, let-down after let-down until finally after about ten weeks of lessons, homework, journaling and a lot of personal growth, I released myself from hair pulling forever.
Since my release, life in all its entirety has changed for me in ways I could not even begin to think were imaginable. I no longer have that ‘urge’ or ‘panic’ that would transpire into a frantic hair-pulling session day after day to get me through the hurdles in life and all the daily triggers that used to set me off feel as though they have simply vanished from my body leaving me feeling completely “free”.
Since I have released I am a lot more focused, efficient and productive in my work as I simply now just ‘get on and do it’ instead of just wasting time worrying and panicking about it and find I have much more quality time with my husband, friends and family (as well as the fact I have hours and hours of extra time in my week that I am no longer pulling my hair!)
I am less argumentative, defensive and insecure and instead feel calm and confident in everything I do, say and feel. Things that used to bother me before simply don’t bother me as much and I am now able to discuss “issues” that I couldn’t before with a level of maturity and understanding I had always wished for. I feel in control of my emotions and my actions and am able to handle my insecurities in a much more mature way and - according to my husband - am simply a much nicer, happier and more pleasant person to be around!
For the first time ever I feel really “present” in my life and finally; I am happy – truly, truly happy at my achievement in beating this thing and happy with who I am, who I will become and for how my life is right now.
At age 31, I really feel that my life has now just begun and I am so incredibly excited and optimistic about what the future holds. I feel like I have stepped into the “adult” I have always wanted to be and I am wholeheartedly enjoying everything life has to offer.
I can not thank Abby enough for her commitment to me and for her selflessness in creating and sharing this program with myself and others like me because from someone who has tried everything to beat this addiction, Abby’s program works.
Abby has given me so much more than simply the patch of hair on my head that is slowly starting to grow back; she has given me the control back in my life and handed me the key to true happiness and for that I am, and always will be, eternally grateful.
Yours sincerely,
An ex-hair puller…
Alice from Sydney
I'd like to add just a few follow-up comments about Alice's letter:
Alice came to me firmly committed to freeing herself from hair pulling and never once waivered in her decision. This allowed her to do the work of healing with little resistance, and as you read, it took her approximately 10 weeks to free herself.
I did not give Alice back the control in her life...I simply taught her how to reclaim it for herself. She made the choice for freedom and she did what it took to get herself there.
Great job, Alice!
