Accepting Your Truth About Hair Pulling
For twenty-five years,
I did everything with my compulsion EXCEPT to acknowledge and accept
what was true for me and the fact that there is no cure for hair pulling. The catalyst in getting honest came following my
first visit to a psychiatrist. I sat through the meeting acting and believing
I was sincere, listening intently to what the doctor was saying,
"When you have the urge to pull your hair out while driving, squeeze the
steering wheel 16 times."
I took the audiotape he offered and made an appointment for a second meeting.
As I got into my car I remember thinking, "I'm not going to do any of
that." and I thought, "Why not?"
I came face to face with my personal truth that I had been denying for so long.
I did not want to stop my compulsive hair pulling behavior. I got some type of satisfaction
from it and I wasn't willing to give it up. I wasn't even willing to give a
half-hearted attempt to behavior therapy.
Just then something inside of me let go. I let go of all the lies I had been
telling myself about how I wanted to be free of my pulling. I allowed myself
to fully own the way I felt. I didn't want to stop!!!! That plain and simple,
steel-edged truth became my first major step toward healing! Although I hadn't
yet read the above quote I had somehow begun to trust myself and the process
of healing.
It doesn't matter what society thinks you should do, what your mother, husband,
best friend, or behavior therapist think you should do. What everyone else
on the planet thinks won't help you to give up your compulsive behavior. It's
easy for everyone else to say, "Just stop." or "Try this or
that." They are not living with YOUR problem, nor are they aware
that all compulsions carry with them some element of satisfaction.
(They may also be in denial of their own issues and would rather focus on
yours.)
This satisfaction may be soothing, tranquilizing or may feel good in some other
inexplicable way. You may not be ready yet to give it up because it serves
a purpose in you life and until you identify what that is and why it exists
you can't let it go.
Until you are ready, willing and able to see your own truth, your minds will
keep you in the safety zone of denial. It really doesn't matter whether you
want to stop your compulsion right now or not. What matters is your willingness
to finally let yourself know your personal truth. You don't ever have to share
this truth with anyone else but, please let yourself have the gift of knowing
it.
It's time to accept your own truth! While there is no cure for hair pulling, you can end hair pulling!
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